


Il-lube-inating

by viceroyvonmutini



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Dildos, F/F, Sex Shops, and explosions, not necessarily in that order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4202016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viceroyvonmutini/pseuds/viceroyvonmutini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Root knew exactly what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Il-lube-inating

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even going to apologise. For the terrible pun nor the fic itself. 
> 
> You must have seen this coming: Amy Acker herself practically gave me this prompt on a silver platter engraved with the words 'lube.'
> 
> Will I ever get over that Freudian slip? Probably not.  
> Will you ever forgive me for writing this utter nonsense? The jury's still out.

Shaw stretched out slightly under the covers, working out the tension in her muscles before sitting up and facing the day.

She glanced at the alarm clock to her right and at once noted the cold absence in the bed beside her. She stood up, padding barefoot through the room and stopping at the edge of the kitchen.

Root sat at the round white table munching on her Lucky Charms seemingly oblivious to Shaw’s presence. Shaw knew better.

‘Enjoying the view?’

‘Not particularly,’ replied Shaw, stifling a yawn as she came to sit down opposite the woman before pulling the cereal towards her and filling the bowl laid out ready.

‘You’re up early.’

‘Worried Sameen?’

‘Confused,’ clarified Shaw through a mouthful of cereal.

‘I got back a couple of hours ago.’

‘Shoot anyone?’

‘Blew up a sex club.’

This drew Shaw’s gaze, stopping mid-chew as she attempted to determine the sincerity of the statement.

‘A brothel?’

‘Nope. A sex club,’ chirped Root.

Shaw raised an eyebrow.

‘That’s new.’

‘Don’t be jealous Sameen: you know I love what you do to me.’

Shaw scowled, returned her attention back to her food as she ignored Root’s affectionate jibe.

Root chuckled to herself.

‘A man had some information She told me to acquire-‘

‘And you just happened to find him in a sex club?’

Root tilted her head.

‘It’s where he was at the time Sameen; I don’t make a habit of visiting sex clubs.’

‘Never said you did.’

‘But you seem bothered by it.’

‘No.’

Root raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

‘So you blew it up?’ prompted Shaw, keen to move on and continue the explanation.

‘Naturally. Things went…not according to plan.’

‘Decima?’

‘This time some old acquaintances from the past.’

‘You mean some people you pissed off.’

‘I was told to follow my talents.’

‘Yeah you have a talent of pissing me off,’ grumbled Shaw.

‘And look at me follow it,’ cooed Root.

Shaw shoveled in the last of her Charms before letting her spoon fall into her bowl and slumping back into her chair.

‘We have any numbers today?’

‘Not yet, but the day is young. I have some things to take of.’

‘You should sleep.’

‘Is that concern?’

‘Common sense; unless you want to fall asleep in the middle of a gunfight.’

‘She’ll look after me Sameen.’

‘She shouldn’t have too.’

‘You’re particularly edgy this morning.’

‘You’re particularly irritating this morning.’

‘Was it the sex club?’

‘No.’

‘I did blow it up.’

‘You said.’

Shaw stood up.

‘I’m going for a shower.’

‘Is that an invitation?’

‘No I often announce my daily activities,’ shot back Shaw, already making her way to the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

‘Shut up.’

_‘Ms. Shaw-‘_

‘Shut up Finch and let me handle this.’

_‘Really Ms. Shaw I would appreciate more concern over our numbers.’_

‘Who’re you talking to why are you here what the hell is-‘

‘You,’ Shaw spun to the cowering woman next to her hidden behind the store counter, gun pointed threateningly, ‘are going to be quiet while I talk to my employer and my _employer_ can let me do my job.’

Finch sighed on the other end of her coms.

_‘Very well Ms. Shaw. The way is clear: bring Ms. Gibson back to the safe house.’_

‘I’ll see you there.’

Shaw cut off communications rather abruptly before fishing in her pocket.

‘So are we going?’

The number stood up brushing the dirt from their clothing; Shaw didn’t respond, pulling out a considerable bundle of C4 explosive charge.

‘Whoa whoa whoa what the hell? What the hell are you doing are you insane?’

Shaw fixed the charges, giving the timer a two-minute window before setting it gently upon the counter and walking towards the exit. The number didn’t move to follow instead watching her leave.

‘What are you doing? Hey! Look I’m sorry okay you can have a discount whatever you want I swear-‘

‘You have two minutes before this place blows. A smart person would get out.’

‘Doesn’t…don’t you want me alive?’

Shaw shrugged.

‘I could go either way. Not my responsibility to talk you out of a rigged building.’

‘But…you saved me?’

‘And you chucked a purple dildo in my face.’

‘So you’re blowing my entire shop?’

‘Yes.’

Shaw exited the sex shop and made her way to a nearby car. The number wasted no time in following and she stepped on the gas the moment the number was inside keen to get out of the blast radius.

‘I can’t fucking believe it.’

‘Neither can I,’ muttered Shaw.

 _‘Sweetie,_ ’ chimed a voice in her ear and Shaw’s grip on the wheel tightened.

‘What do you want Root I’m busy.’

_‘Don’t you think that was a little excessive?’_

‘No.’

_‘If I’d have known purple dildos got you going like this I would have introduced mine a lot earlier.’_

‘Root I will shove your dildo down your throat until it reaches your stomach.’

_‘If you wanted more spice in the bedroom all you had to do was ask.’_

Shaw frowned.

‘We have plenty of spice.’

Root noticed the change in her tone.

_‘I didn’t say we didn’t.’_

Shaw didn’t reply, grinding her jaw in frustration.

‘Is there a reason for this call or do you have nothing better to do?’

 _‘Just a quick ring for a catch-up. And Sameen,’_ interjected Root before Shaw could cut her off, _‘be home tonight.’_

‘Yeah yeah,’ muttered Shaw before cutting the link.

Home? Is that what Root viewed her apartment? Root was more like the permanent squatter she couldn’t get rid of. And where the hell else was she gonna go anyway?

 

* * *

 

Ten in the evening and Shaw finally pushed open the door to her apartment, utterly exhausted and ready to ignore the world for the next 12 hours. Unfortunately the universe had other plans as Shaw immediately noted Root resting on Shaw’s singular couch, typing away on her laptop.

The slam of the closing door alerted Root to Shaw’s arrival and she immediately broke out into a grin.

‘Hello sweetie: how was your day?’

‘Shit.’

Shaw pulled of her boots and padded to her bedroom, completely bypassing Root but fully aware that Root would follow her regardless.

‘Sameen,’ crooned Root from the doorway as Shaw began to strip.

‘What Root?’

‘I got you a present.’

Shaw didn’t reply, pulling on a tank top and shorts as Root watched with roving eyes.

‘I thought about what you said.’

‘About?’

‘Spice.’

Shaw crawled under the covers.

‘Can you think about it in the morning?’

Root perched on the other side of the bed, watching as Shaw pulled the covers close.

‘Not really.’

Shaw sighed.

‘Fine. What’s the present?’

‘Lube.’

Shaw cracked open an eye, taking in Root’s wide grin despite the gravitas that laced her voice.

‘Root,’ growled Shaw.

‘It took me a while to pick out.’

‘How thoughtful.’

‘But you don’t have to worry.’

‘Great. Let me sleep.’

‘I think we have a lovely sex life.’

Shaw grunted non-committedly, shuffling further into her duvet in an attempt to somehow burrow away from Root and more specifically this conversation.

‘The sex club was rather tame compared to us.’

‘Review on Trip Advisor not to me Root.’

‘So I bought lube. Several tubes actually. Just in case.’

‘In case of what?’

‘Well…I wasn’t sure. I love your surprises.’

‘Were you expecting one tonight?’

‘I’m so glad you asked Sameen. What did you have in mind?’

‘Surprise! I’m sleeping,’ Root pouted, ‘now shut up and get into bed.’

Root complied, disappointed and not in the least bit surprised.

‘I would’ve thought you would have been eager?’

‘I don’t need to compete with a sex club,’ grumbled Shaw.

‘Don’t leave me waiting forever Sameen I might have to look elsewhere,’ teased Root, sliding down next to Shaw so they faced on another on the pillows.

‘Go to sleep Root.’

Root caught the beginnings of smirk creep onto Shaw’s face and decided to let it drop, satisfied enough for now. 


End file.
